I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize