I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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