You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
