Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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