I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize