Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
