Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
