This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
