We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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