I'm so fucking centered right now
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He kissed a someone with a penis
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
