I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
