I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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