Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
