Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
