she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
