Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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