grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
