Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
