I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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