i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
