Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
