Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
