I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize