shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
