Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
