batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
