I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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