I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
