I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize