Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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