I'm drive I can fine osifer
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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