margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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