he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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