Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
