I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
