I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
