I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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