pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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