well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
