How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
