I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
