Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
