i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You can't motorboat a personality
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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