If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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