I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
