remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
