Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
