Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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