you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
