this must be what syphilis tastes like
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
