Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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