The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
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