I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
