i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
