Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Randomize
