it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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