I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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