Your mouth is God's brothel.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
