You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
