i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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