At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I love black thongs
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
