So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
