I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
