I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
