Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
