You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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