Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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