i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
