o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
