We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
