wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
