I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
