Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
