i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
