Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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