you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize