Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
