This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
