It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
