Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
