Don't you send me to vm
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
