i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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