Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
